


i got sunshine in a bag

by veel



Category: Newsies (1992), Newsies - All Media Types, Newsies!: the Musical - Fierstein/Menken
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Anxious David Jacobs, Anxious Racetrack Higgins, Artist Jack Kelly, Badass Sarah Jacobs (Newsies), Bisexual Jack Kelly, Drunk Texting, F/F, Gay Newsies, Good Boyfriend Spot Conlon, Italian Racetrack Higgins, Katherine Plumber Pulitzer is a Good Friend, Let Crutchie Say Fuck, M/M, Mentioned Les Jacobs, Mom Friend David Jacobs, Multi, Oblivious David Jacobs, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Parent David Jacobs, Parent Jack Kelly, Sad Jack Kelly, Soft Spot Conlon, Spot Conlon is Bad at Feelings, Texting, Trans Albert DaSilva, Trans Racetrack Higgins, like so many vine references, megamind references, these kids need HELP, vine references
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-26
Updated: 2020-05-09
Packaged: 2021-03-01 18:28:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 7,598
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23861575
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/veel/pseuds/veel
Summary: EDIT: THIS STORY IS ON HIATUS. i've been feeling unmotivated to write this as of recent. usually, i'd orphan/delete a work i don't want to write, but i do want to come back to this. i also want to focus on other fics right now. thank you for your time.a text fic no one wanted
Relationships: Albert DaSilva/Elmer (Newsies), Bart/Myron (Newsies), Boots (Newsies) & Racetrack Higgins, Bumlets/Skittery (Newsies), Bumlets/Skittery/Snitch/Swifty (Newsies), Bumlets/Skittery/Swifty (Newsies), Bumlets/Swifty (Newsies), Buttons/JoJo (Newsies), Crutchie & David Jacobs, Crutchie & Jack Kelly, Crutchie & Racetrack Higgins, Crutchie & the Newsies, Crutchie/Finch (Newsies), David Jacobs & Katherine Plumber Pulitzer, David Jacobs & Sarah Jacobs, David Jacobs/Jack Kelly, Elmer (Newsies) & Racetrack Higgins, Finch (Newsies) & Racetrack Higgins, Ike/Pint (Newsies), Itey/Mike (Newsies), Jack Kelly & Romeo (Newsies), Kid Blink/Mush Meyers, Racetrack Higgins & Jack Kelly, Racetrack Higgins & Mush Meyers, Romeo/Specs (Newsies), Sarah Jacobs & Jack Kelly, Sarah Jacobs/Katherine Plumber Pulitzer, Skittery/Snitch, Skittery/Swifty (Newsies), Smalls/Sniper (Newsies), Spot Conlon & Jack Kelly, Spot Conlon & Katherine Plumber Pulitzer, Spot Conlon & Kid Blink, Spot Conlon/Racetrack Higgins
Comments: 8
Kudos: 41





	1. Chapter 1

**racecar has added santa fe fetish, smartass, shortie, sunshine, sappy idiot, sarah, and scary one**

racecar: welcome, dumbasses :D

santa fe fetish: love how almost all of us have 's' names

sappy idiot: why didnt you add my bf >:(

**racecar has added specs to the chat**

specs: oh no

sarah: racetrack

racecar: yes?

sarah: i hate you

racecar: :(

shortie: say that again i fuckin dare you

sarah: im shaking in my custom baby seal leather boots

scary one: babe we talked about referencing megamind

sarah: im sorry i just had to

scary one: okay

scary one: i love you

sarah: and i love you, random citizen

**scary one has removed sarah from the chat**

**racecar has added sarah to the chat**

racecar: megamind references are the best i dont see youre problem 😤😤

smartass: *Your

racecar: fuck off loser

sarah: say that again i fucking dare you

sunshine: i dont want to be here :((

racecar: too bad lmao

santa fe fetish: sorry crutchie

sunshine: okay i guess it's fine

racecar: GUYS

racecar: I JUST REALIZED SOMETHING

specs: what is it this time

**racecar has changed their name to acecar**

acecar: get it

acecar: cause im ace

**shortie has removed acecar from the chat**

shortie: someone had to do it

santa fe fetish: ur right, but im gonna add em back

**santa fe fetish has added acecar to the chat**

acecar: so mistakes were made lol

sappy idiot: clearly

santa fe fetish: why are u like this race

acecar: :)

smartass: I feel threatened.

santa fe fetish: ye, threatened by a cupcake

acecar: why are you so mean to me

sarah: fuck you, thats why

acecar: aw fuck, i cant believe youve done this :((

scary one: so i guess i'll just prepare myself for the vine references

**santa fe fetish had changed their name to santa gay**

santa gay: am i gay? no

santa gay: but is this worth the lie? absolutely

acecar: see!!! he gets it!!

shortie: youre both dumbasses

acecar: so are you

smartass: At least he used "you're" correctly.

acecar: i hate you david

smartass: No one can hate me as much as I already hate myself.

sappy idiot: was that

sappy idiot: was that a vine reference

smartass: Perhaps.

scary one: am i the only one concerned that davey said he hates himself????

santa gay: i mean we all hate ourselves here so

acecar: therapy is expensive

acecar: complaining to youre friends about youre problems is free

smartass: *Your

smartass: Unlike you losers, I have a therapist thank you very much.

specs: davey just called me a loser my life couldnt get any worse

santa gay: i feel attacked davey

santa gay: why are you so mean

smartass: Because I can be.

acecar: fair point

shortie: i am still alive just to spite god

sarah: fuckin mood

sunshine: guys,,, do you need therapy?? im willing to pay for it,,,

santa gay: oh my god

santa gay: look at what uve done davey

santa gay: you made crutchie worry ab us

scary one: for shame, dave

acecar: yknow i might take you up on that offer

sunshine: okay!!

acecar: your the best

smartass: *You're

acecar: fuck off

santa gay: anywho

santa gay: mind if i add a couple ppl???

acecar: just as long as you dont add albert absolutely

**santa gay has added smalls, sniper, skittery, snitch, and swifty to the chat**

acecar: the s aesthetic remains

shortie: your name doesnt even start with an s???

acecar: because it doesnt have to since i started the chat 😎

santa gay: wait

**santa gay has changed acecar's name to simp**

simp: i mean

simp: its true

smalls: so are you gonna introduce us or...?

simp: oh yeah!!!

santa gay: everyone state your name, age, sex, pronouns, sexuality, and a fun fact about yourself :D

santa gay: i'll start

santa gay: im jack, seventeen, male, he/him, bisexual, and i love to paint!

sarah: waddup, im jared, 19, never fuckin learned how to read

sniper: i love you

sarah: im taken but ily 2

sarah: okay my name is sarah, im sixteen, female, she/her, lesbiab, and i love referencing vines!!

specs: hey, just call me specs. im seventeen, male, he/him, i just use queer, and i really love my bf <3

sappy idiot: hello, im romeo. im sixteen, male, he/him, bisexual as well, and i really love my bf as well <3

shortie: thats gay

smalls: that fuckin sucks

smalls: im smalls, fifteen, female, she/her, bisexual, and i am still growing actually.

shortie: how tall are you??

smalls: 5'6".

santa gay: lmao shes taller than u

shortie: fuck off

shortie: im spot, sixteen, male, he/him, heterosexual. i love making fun of davey

smartass: Rude.

shortie: suck it

simp: also you very clearly are not hetero

simp: what is this

shortie: some scary, alternate timelime i guess lol

shortie: i might be bi though, give me a while to think bout it

simp: whos the boy making you question 👀

shortie: none of your fucking concern so leave it alone

santa gay: he gets offensive wow

sniper: call me sniper i guess. sixteen, nonbinary, they/them, bisexual, and i like taking pictures

simp: trans rights

simp: im race/racetrack/racer, almost fifteen, male, he/him, homoromantic asexual, i start testosterone in three weeks!!!!

specs: three weeks?? already??

simp: im so excited :)))

sniper: trans fuckin rights

skittery: hi,,, im skittery,, im seventeen, male, he/him,, pansexual,, i dont like talking to people

santa gay: u and davey'll like each other

smartass: Shut the up.

shortie: i forgot that davey legally isnt allowed to swear

smalls: why???

shortie: hes babey

**smartass has left the chat**

**santa gay has added smartass to the chat**

santa gay: introduce yourself bb

simp: 'bb'???

simp: are you two like

simp: fucking??

**smartass has left the chat**

**simp has added smartass to the chat**

santa gay: no we arent lol

santa gay: its just how i show ☆~affection~☆

simp: okay sure

sniper: sounds like a lame excuse

swifty: since no one else is doing this im swifty, sixteen, male, he/him, bisexual too, i really like running

smalls: fuckin weirdo

shortie: running sucks ass

simp: i agree

swifty: you call yourself racetrack???

simp: because i have a gambling addiction :)

sniper: but you arent even fifteen!!

simp: :)

sunshine: oh hello new people!!! i saw something jack sent and now im going to do it since i havent yet!! my name is charlie but just call me crutchie, im fifteen going on sixteen, im male, my pronouns are he/him, and im pansexual!! one fun fact about me is that i got in an accident when i was younger, so now i have to you a crutch!! i guess that wasnt a 'fun' fact, but it explains the nickname :D

smalls: im in love with you omg

sniper: excuse me

smalls: im sorry but hes adorable

sniper: okay youre right but

sniper: we're dating

smalls: sucks to suck i guess

simp: ^ thats my senior quote

santa gay: silence, freshman

simp: im gonna be a sophomore after break

santa gay: but ur still a freshman

scary one: hi im katherine but im not really active on here so this doesnt matter, im seventeen, female, she/her, and bisexual. A fun fact about me is that I am dating the lovely sarah so hands off :)

santa gay: was that last comment directed at me?

santa: cos i feel like it was

scary one: :)

sniper: ominous

sniper: but im still gonna flirt with her lmao

smalls: i hate you

sniper: lol same

santa gay: that reminds me!!

santa gay: davey introduce urself

swifty: why did sniper saying they hated themself remind you of this davey guy

santa gay: just cos

santa gay: davey!! introduce yourself pls

smartass: No, I don't think I will.

santa gay: fine i'll do it for u

smartass: Thanks. :)

santa gay: his name is davey, he's what,,,,fifteen? sixteen? lmao i cant remember. as far as i know, hes male and his pronouns are he/him. hes gay as hell. a fun fact about him?? hes got crippling anxiety i guess lol

smartass: I'm fifteen, Cowboy.

santa gay: he speaks

smartass: Shut up, Francis Sullivan.

simp: jack ur in trouble now lmao

shortie: i hate all of you

sunshine: oh

shortie: i hate all of you except for crutchie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a minute after posting this, my tablet (my phone is dead and i dont have access to my computer) froze and made this really weird noise that hurt my ears and my percent thing (which is usually only white, yellow, or red) turned lavender and then it completely shut down
> 
> i think it's an omen that i shouldnt have posted this


	2. Chapter 2

simp: im bored

shortie: thats so sad wow

**shortie has changed their name to spot**

santa gay: wow

santa gay: thats so original

spot: shut

smalls: so how do u guys know jack???

simp: hes my older brother lol

sunshine: hes my older brother as well :D

specs: hes one of romeos friends, so thats how we met

sappy idiot: spot and i ran into him at school and we hit it off i guess

santa gay: i met davey coz we were partners for an asinment

smartass: *Assignment

spot: stfu smartass

**smartass has left the chat**

**santa gay had added smartass to the chat**

santa gay: no dont leave ur too sexy aha

sniper: yknow im starting to see why no one likes it here

simp: :(

spot: you hurt his feelings!!!

simp: aw it's nice to see someone cares

spot: stfu i hate you loser

**simp has left the chat**

**sarah has added simp to the chat**

simp: wait why did u add me back

sarah: bc

simp: okay fair point

swifty: so do you guys go to school in manhattan or??

spot: i used to go to school in brooklyn

spot: but now it's manhattan

smalls: i go to school in bronx, remember??

simp: lmao rip

**smalls has removed simp from the chat**

santa gay: rip to racer but im different

smalls: do u want to be removed as well

santa gay: pls dont

sarah: homos i am boredom

spot: i am not

spot: im not

spot: gay

swifty: mhm sure

spot: i did not come here to be disrespected like this

spot: tony would never treat me like this

**spot has added simp to the chat**

simp: yes i would lmao

**spot has removed simp from the chat**

santa gay: face the facts spottie

santa gay: ur gay

spot: this is bi erasure

santa gay: r u bi then?????

spot: perhaps

scary one: sarah you owe me five dollars

sappy idiot: i owe racetrack fifteen

spot: did you seriously place bets on my sexuality

swifty: perhaps

spot: YOU GUYS TWO???

smartass: *Too

spot: I HATE YOU DAVID

spot: I HATE All OF YOU

smalls: no need to be so rude wow

santa gay: before u say it

santa gay: racer would treat u like this as well

**spot has removed santa gay from the chat**

**smartass has added santa gay and simp to the chat**

spot: fuck you

smartass: I am not Goatman, so do not use those carefully chosen words on me.

smalls: this just in: davey waches buzzfeed unsolved

**smartass has left the chat**

**smalls has added smartass to the chat**

santa gay: omg who knew

smartass: I hate all of you.

simp: what did i ever do to you :(

smartass: You existed.

smalls: fuckin recked

simp: this house is a FUCKING NIGHTMARE

santa gay: it is what it is :)

sniper: hey

sniper: can i

sniper: can i add more people

simp: they better has s names

**sniper has added shothot, smush, and skidblink to the chat**

spot: did you seriously just add the letter 's' to the beginnings of there names

smartass: *Their

spot: SHUT THE HELL UP DAVID ROBERT JACOBS

skidblink: oo he angy

smush: *angerey

skidblink: right, srry

santa gay: anyway send ur name, age, sex, pronouns, sexuality, and a fun fact about urself

skidblink: hihi i'm kid blink or just blink, 16, male, he/him, bi as hell, and im blind in my left eye

smush: hellohello im mush, 16, male, he/him, gay as fuck, and im blink's lovely bf

simp: @spot that could be us

spot: i dont even like you

simp: not yet you dont ;)

spot: i hate you antonio corbin higgins

smalls: i guess spot knows everyone's full names huh

shothot: hopefully not mine

shothot: yo, im hotshot. 17, male, he/him, pan, and i have perfect aim

skidblink: tell that to my eye

shothot: you act like that wasnt a calculated risk

skidblink: it wasnt

skidblink: ur literally failing math

shothot: so it seems i might be

sniper: as much as i enjoy this banter,

sniper: shut the fuck up

shothot: rude

santa gay: so

santa gay: u like jazz??

**spot has removed santa gay from the chat**

**smalls has added santa gay to the chat**

santa gay: point taken

spot: no bee movie quotes

sarah: only megamind quotes

simp: okay so i uh

simp: im gonna have to uh

simp: ruin the s aesthetic

**simp has added clifford the big red dog, elmer, and henry to the chat**

spot: how dare you

spot: i dedicate my entire life to our lord and savior jesus christ and this is the thanks i get??

simp: sorry not sorry lol

spot: the only thing that is stopping my fist from colliding with your face is this goddamn screen, and so help me i will break the barrier

elmer: ok calm down there buddy

henry: anyway

henry: we're here for the cult stuff

elmer: we saw the ad on craigslist

santa gay: what is it with u people and quoting buzzfeed unsolved

simp: it's davey's fault

santa gay: introduce urselves using the format stated above

elmer: hellooo im elmer, 17, male, he/him, gay, and i am lonely

henry: henry, 16, male, he/him, aroace, and i dont need friends; they disappoint me

simp: ooo a semicolon

clifford the big red dog: race why

simp: :)

clifford the big red dog: im albert/al, 16, male, he/him, demisexual, and i once witnessed race lick a swing and get his tongue stuck to it since it was winter

simp: that was one time >:(

clifford the big red dog: you did it fifteen more times that year alone

simp: you

simp: you were keeping track???

clifford the big red dog: i shouldnt have to!!

smalls: what a fuckin dumbass lmao

simp: excuse

simp: only one person is allowed to call me a dumbass

spot: fuckin dumbass

simp: there we go :)

sunshine: i left for twenty minutes and this is what i come back to??

santa gay: rip

simp: sucks to suck, i guess


	3. Chapter 3

simp: omg im so fucking gay

simp: like it isnt even funny

spot: what did you do this time

smalls: spill the beans

simp: ew who says that anymore

smalls: me bitch

smalls: but spill

simp: i kissed a dude at the mall and it was great :))

santa gay: until....

smalls: wait were you there???

santa gay: perhaps

simp: until he pushed me into the fountain and called me a 'fucking f*g'

simp: which, is pretty shitty

simp: but at least it wasnt a transphobic slur

simp: we're moving up the food chain

spot: we boutta throw hands

santa gay: i already broke his nose dont worry

simp: no, i broke his nose

simp: you gave him the black eye

sappy idiot: wh

sappy idiot: what the fuck

clifford the big red dog: yall are gonna get arrested someday

smalls: anyway rip to the homophobe

smalls: killed by a twink and his older brother

simp: im not a twink!!!!!

spot: yes you are

spot: she knew it and shes never even seen you

simp: this is homophobic >:(

smalls: we're gay???

simp: this is aphobic

henry: im aroace??

simp: this is transphobic!!!

sniper: sir im gonna need you to calm down

simp: this is uh

simp: this is racist!!

spot: no one said anything about you being italian, dipshit

simp: this is sparta!!!

**spot has removed simp from the chat**

spot: he is insufferable 

santa gay: oooo spot cranking out those big words

smalls: i guess hes taking notes from davey

smartass: Leave me out of this.

smalls: no fuck you

santa gay: thats my job ;)

**smartass has left the chat**

**santa gay has added smartass to the chat**

santa gay: i was joking!1!!1

sarah: tell that to his broken bedframe

**smartass has left the chat**

**santa gay has left the chat**

spot: #exposed

sniper: shut up we all know that you and race fuck

**spot has left the chat**

**smalls has added simp, smartass, santa gay, and spot to the chat**

simp: it's true

spot: no its not loser

simp: im no longer ace i guess

sniper: well i mean

sniper: crutchie's caught you two making out so

sunshine: i never said that!!!!!!!

spot: i hate this chat

santa gay: same

simp: okay i see how it is

specs: i thought the chat was a lovely idea

simp: romeo im stealing ur bf

sappy idiot: i hate my life

snitch: hey hey i have a friend

snitch: who would probably like it here

snitch: im gonna add him

**snitch has added asshole to the chat**

asshole: ok then

santa gay: introduce urself

santa gay: state ur name, age, sex, pronouns, sexuality, and a fun fact abt urself

asshole: im bumlets

asshole: im sixeen, male, he/him

asshole: i am pan

asshole: and i like to steal things ig

simp: hi bumlets i like you

sniper: @spot bumlets is on his way to steal your mans

spot: FOR THE LAST FUCKING TIME

spot: WE ARE NOT DATING

santa gay: ok keep telling urself that

sniper: you have no room to talk

sniper: we already know of ur affair with @smartass

clifford the big red dog: @sniper and we know of ur affair with @sarah

smalls: i want die

scary one: mood

simp: same

smartass: Me.

asshole: hey uh quick question

asshole: if i hate myself is that considered homophobia

simp: bumlets out here asking the important questions

spot: that is a confusing question that i cant answer

spot: anyway

spot: love yourself

spot: accept yourself

scary one: stop quoting vines goddamnit

clifford the big red dog: no fuck u

sarah: dont talk to my gf like that, asshole

asshole: what did i do??????

simp: u ruined the s aesthetic

santa gay: @elmer

sarah: @henry

smalls: @clifford the big red dog

henry: i dont even know you people

elmer: ye

smalls: yall suck tho

simp: those are my friends you decided to insult

smalls: my apologies

sniper: dont apologize!!!!

simp: :)

spot: you go dude

simp: i will bro

clifford the big red dog: idk ab any of you

clifford the big red dog: but i ship sprace

spot: ?????

santa gay: lmao same

smalls: we all do

simp: hell yeah we do

simp: this ship is endorsed by racetrack higgins 2k20


	4. Chapter 4

**spot has added dora the explorer to the chat**

simp: whomst

dora the explorer: i

dora the explorer: my name is boots wh

dora the explorer: why

simp: excuse

simp: who the fuck are you

spot: my best fucking friend so shut the hell up goddamnit

santa gay: spot really likes his swear words huh

clifford the big red dog: well

clifford the big red dog: leave while you still can, boots

dora the explorer: was that a threat

clifford the big red dog: it was a warning

clifford the big red dog: if you arent careful, race's dumbass will rub off on you

dora the explorer: race??

dora the explorer: who the heck calls themselves race??

simp: who the hell calls themselves boots

simp: anyway im race

simp: short for racecar

smartass: It was one time!

simp: :)

spot: it's actually short for racetrack

santa gay: anyway state ur name, age, sex, pronouns, sexuality, and a fun fact

dora the explorer: as i said before

dora the explorer: im boots, 14, male, he/him, aroace, and a fun fact?? uh

dora the explorer: ive been on a hot air balloon a grand total of twenty-seven times

spot: holy shit

smartass: My anxiety could never.

clifford the big red dog: have i mentioned that i hate this chat???

clifford the big red dog: because i hate this chat

simp: fuck you

clifford the big red dog: :)

**clifford the big red dog has changed simp's name to spot's bitch**

spot's bitch: NO

spot's bitch: WHY

spot: albeRT YOU SON OF A BITCH

spot: FOR THE LAST GODDAMN TIME

spot: WE ARENT FUCKING

clifford the big red dog: mhm

**spot has changed clifford the big red dog's name to clifford the big red douche**

clifford the big red douche: now this

clifford the big red douche: this is just mean

santa gay: it's true

dora the explorer: wth

snitch: im sorry boots

snitch: their really scary

smartass: *They're

shothot: stfu

smartass: Jack, come rescue me.

santa gay: leave my boyfriend alone >:((((

sarah: WAIT

sarah: YOU TWO ARE LIKE

sarah: ACTUALLY FUCKING?????

clifford the big red douche: hOLY SHIT

sappy idiot: OTP

santa gay: :D

smalls: SINCE FUCKING WHEN????

smartass: two days ago

sniper: AND YOU DIDNT TELL US????

santa gay: lmao nope

spot's bitch: okay now that we know you two are fucking

spot's bitch: i have an issue

henry: you have many issues but go on

spot's bitch: i cant change my name

clifford the big red douche: what

spot's bitch: i literally cant change it

spot's bitch: the app wont let me

spot's bitch: pls someone change it back

sarah: i

sarah: no

spot's bitch: guys my parents look through my messages once every month

clifford the big red douche: omg no way

santa gay: it's true

santa gay: ever since he did a thing

sunshine: which we don't talk about!!

santa gay: mom and dad dont trust him

spot's bitch: i literally cant have my username be spots bitch when they look through it

spot's bitch: chANGE IT BACK

spot: you know what

spot: no

**spot has changed their name to shortie**

shortie: now they wont know who spot is

shortie: so theyll just think you have a secret boyfriend

henry: hey thats

henry: thats genius

shortie: :)

spot's bitch: NO PLEASE

spot's bitch: I DONT WANT THEM TO TALK TO ME ABOUT IT

santa gay: sucks to suck i guess

spot's bitch: SHUT UP

sniper: here's a solution

sniper: just leave the chat

spot's bitch: I CANT THE APP WONT LET ME FUCKIN LEAVE

smalls: lmao

spot's bitch: I HATE ALL OF YOU

spot's bitch: EVEN YOU, CRUTCHIE

sunshine: i guess i kind of do deserve it, huh.

spot's bitch: I WILL MURDER ALL OF YOU IN YOUR SLEEP TONIGHT

swifty: you dont know where i live

swifty: we dont know each other

spot's bitch: FAIR POINT BUT

spot's bitch: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

snitch: calm the fuck down

spot's bitch: NO

smalls: idea time

smalls: lets all just ignore race

spot's bitch: nononononono

santa gay: sounds good

sarah: so was your guys' day??

spot's bitch: CHANGE MY NAME BACK

snitch: p boring tbh

swifty: same

santa gay: nothings happened

spot's bitch: jack pls

spot's bitch: change my name

smartass: Sarah, we had the same exact day.

spot's bitch: davey do you wanna help a fella out???

shothot: i hit some punk

sarah: why??

spot's bitch: sarah change my name

shothot: he was saying homophobic shit

shothot: just bein a douche

spot's bitch: just like you guys right now

shortie: i got a slushie

shortie: boots and i went someplace that i forgot the name of

spot's bitch: i hate all of you

spot's bitch: jack if you dont change my name i'll tell them about you know who

santa gay: they already know

spot's bitch: davey change my name

spot's bitch: if you dont ill tell them about jeremiah

smartass: You wouldn't dare!

spot's bitch: yes i would

spot's bitch: change my name back please

santa gay: whos

santa gay: whos jeremiah

santa gay: davey r u cheating on me??

smartass: No!

**smartass has changed spot's bitch's name to simp**

simp: i missed this

sarah: whos jeremiah

scary one: ye who the fuck is jeremiah?

smartass: I don't want to talk about him.

sappy one: choosing to keep secrets now are we??

clifford the big red douche: spill the tea

smalls: *spill the beans

clifford the big red dog: shut

simp: davey whos jeremiah

smartass: Shut up, you already know him.

simp: your right

smartass: *You're

simp: anyway im gonna tell them

smartass: Tell them and I change your name back.

simp: anyway im not gonna tell them

santa gay: dave

santa gay: if u want this to work out

santa gay: u gotta tell me

smartass: Are you threatening me?

santa gay: kinda, yeah

smartass: I hate all of you.

sarah: WAIT

sarah: I REMEMBER NOW

smartass: Sarah please.

smartass: Let me keep the little bit of dignity I have left.

sarah: absolutely not

sarah: jeremiah was les's pet cat

sarah: so it was when davey was around ten and les was five

sarah: davey accidentally pushed jeremiah into out neighbor's pool and he drowned

sarah: i was a witness

sarah: he begged me not to tell anyone but i forgot about it until now

simp: btw the said neighbor's pool was my biological parents' pool so i was also a witness

**smartass has left the chat**

santa gay: my boyfriend is a murderer

sarah: it should also be said that davey and i both have severe cat allergies so maybe jeremiah's death was on purpose

shortie: oh my god

scary one: i cant believe this is my first time hearing about this

sarah: it is my favorite story about davey's mistakes

sarah: second being the time he accidentally fed our pet bird a tidepod

santa gay: what is davey's body count???

sarah: idk i dont keep track of his sex life

santa gay: no i mean

santa gay: how many animals has he killed????

sarah: oh

shortie: he killed two of my dogs

clifford the big red douche: he killed my horse somehow

sappy idiot: he killed all five of my hamsters

specs: he killed one of my guinea pigs

simp: he killed my bio parents' dog

santa gay: davey has killed 11 animals omg

santa gay: i assume they were all on accident bc davey literally wouldnt kill a spider for me

smalls: omg

**sarah has added smartass to the chat**

smartass: This is your fault, Racetrack.

simp: :)

sarah: dont say it

simp: sucks to suck i guess


	5. Chapter 5

santa gay: im tired

smartass: Maybe you wouldn't be tired if you actually SLEPT.

sarah: funny coming from you

sarah: you both need ☆~sleep~☆

simp: guys literally none of you sleep like ever

simp: its fuckin midnight if you havent noticed

santa gay: race why r u awake????

simp: crutchie gets really fuckin loud when he sleeps

simp: he kicks the wall every three minutes

simp: jack can i sleep in your room

santa gay: no fuck off

smalls: hes feisty as fuck

santa gay: maam

santa gay: this is a wendys drive-through

smalls: sir

smalls: i cant find where i asked

sarah: shut

smartass: Shut the up.

simp: shut up

shortie: shut the fuck up

dora the explorer: hey quick question

santa gay: shoot

dora the explorer: why do refer to dating as 'f*cking'

smalls: okay so boots is babey

shortie: to answer your question

shortie: we dont know

sarah: we cant answer everything

shortie: also why are you up this late???

dora the explorer: well i cant exactly sleep when yall are blowing up my phone

santa gay: rip

smalls: btw

smalls: swifty i know youre lurking

swifty: shut the hell up and let me vibe

shortie: anyway i have a spanish quiz tomorrow

simp: thats tough

shortie: i was hoping one of you could help me study

smartass: Like a study date? Because I'm totally in if it's a study date.

shortie: sure

shortie: wait like an actual date

shortie: what about jack??

smartass: Jack refuses to study with me.

smartass: And, it can be whatever you want it to be. :)

santa gay: r u

santa gay: r u flirting right in front of me????

smalls: i think sarah rubbed off on him

sarah: no it was definitely les i cant flirt for shit

scary one: i can confirm

simp: davey can you even speak spanish

smartass: A bit, yes. Can you?

simp: fluently

simp: the only class im not failing is spanish

swifty: man spot

swifty: race knows english, italian, and spanish

swifty: youre really missing out huh

simp: i can also speak french!!! and im learning german!!

specs: i can help with german :D

sarah: since we're talking about languages, anyone wanna help me with swedish?

dora the explorer: oh absolutely!!

skid blink: heyhey im learning portuguese anyone wanna

skid blink: join me??

sappy idiot: i can help you learn it!! i can also help anyone learn filipino, if you want :)))

skid blink: sign me up

smalls: i guess i'll just

smalls: learn mandarin on my own

scary one: wait we could learn together

santa gay: am i the only one not learning another language

smush: nope! im not either.

santa gay: dumbass gang rise up

henry: is this just a chat for the sleepless idiots now

simp: r00d

simp: but yeah kinda

scary one: excuse me

simp: okay not all of us are idiots

simp: but most of us

santa gay: wait can we backtrack a ittle

santa gay: davey wtf

santa gay: r u seriously going on a date with spot???

smartass: Jack, you know that I like you very much. I wouldn't even think about seeing other people.

simp: get that sappy shit outta here

simp: i wanna throw up jus lookin at it

santa gay: fuk off

simp: *fuck

simp: anyway im sneakin out text you once i get to my destination :)

smalls: i

santa gay: hes lucky he has dirt on me

santa gay: or else id tell medda

swifty: does he just

swifty: leave whenever he feels like it???

clifford the big red douche: if he comes to my house again im going to murder him

shortie: didnt know you were awake al

clifford the big red douche: yeah, well, ive been asleep since seven so im not really tired anymore

sarah: how did you fall asleep at seven????

clifford the big red douche: i got like twenty minutes of sleep the previous night and i dont like coffee

sarah: rip

shortie: guys

shortie: somethings hitting my window

shortie: i think theres someone trying to break in

shortie: should i go and look???

santa gay: absolutely!!

smartass: No, stay put.

santa gay: absolutely not!!

shortie: yknow what

shortie: im doing it

sarah: watch it be race lmao

shortie: oh my god it's race

smalls: how did he get there so quickly???

santa gay: idk

shortie: dude what do you want

simp: jump out your fuckin window

shortie: NO

shortie: THAT IS A HORRIBLE IDEA

simp: your room isnt even on the second floor

simp: it's only six feet in the air

simp: youll land on grass

shortie: id prefer to land on you

simp: sir

simp: just fuckin jump

smartass: Don't listen to him.

sarah: do it

henry: guys i live next to spot

santa gay: since when???

henry: since forever

henry: but spot just jumped and landed on top of race

smalls: i cant with them

swifty: are they okay at least???

shortie: we're fine

simp: were goin to starbucks to get coffee and study for spanish :))

smartass: Wow. I can't believe you're ditching me, Sean Daniel Conlon.

shortie: that's tough, david robert jacobs

santa gay: leave my bf alone

simp: shut up, francis jack sullivan

santa gay: i will not, antonio corbin higgins

smalls: stop it with ur full names

henry: ye

**shortie has changed their name to spot**

dora the explorer: go to sleep!!!!!!!

smartass: Okay, we'll shut up now.

smartass: Goodnight everyone.

santa gay: night <3


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> anyway second update since im sad and gay

clifford the big red douche: i cant breathe

santa gay: what a good conversation starter

smartass: We're in the middle of class!

clifford the big red douche: im sorry just

clifford the big red douche: ms sloan announced a pop quiz for math and

clifford the big red douche: spot fell asleep like two minutes ago

santa gay: it isnt even halfway through second period i

sarah: race mustve kept him up late

sarah: wait didnt they get coffee

santa gay: spot uses coffee!

santa gay: it was not very effective!!

elmer: this is so much funnier if you remember that spot was panicking over spanish, not math

smartass: I literally would've had a panic attack if I didn't know what I was being quizzed on.

dora the explorer: guys, stop please! my teacher's going to take away my phone if you keep sending messages!

elmer: turn your notifications off

elmer: anyway i got detention again

clifford the big red douche: what did you do this time

elmer: mr weasel thought i was cheating on my spanish test

elmer: i didnt btw

santa gay: what did u do to make him think that u were cheating???

elmer: i stared at finchs shoes for a solid five minutes

sarah: thats it??

elmer: yep

sniper: thats lovely

sarah: woah where did you come from

sniper: history class

sniper: anyway i think im gonna skip the rest of the day

clifford the big red douche: i'll go with ya

**clifford the big red douche has changed their name to red**

red: srry it was just annoying me

sarah: yknow i think i'll join you as well

sniper: anyone else?

santa gay: fuck it sure

elmer: oh absolutely

santa gay: i'll ask spot later

red: oh race said he'll come

sniper: why didnt he just text???

red: he doesnt actually use his phone during class

sarah: the more you know

smalls: yknow i was gonna take you up on the offer to skip

smalls: but i literally cant

red: why not??

smalls: i dont go to your school

smalls: i go to a boarding school in the bronx

elmer: i forgot youre not from manhattan

red: wait guys

sniper: ???

red: spot just woke up

santa gay: omg

red: he has like ten minutes to finish his pop quiz

sarah: if i were spot id simply just disappear

santa gay: i bet he wants to lol

santa gay: anyway where r we going

sarah: walmart

sarah: i need a few things

elmer: can we go to manhattan mall after that

sniper: and we could go bowling!!!

smartass: Yes, but do any of you have money?

sniper: uh

red: i think i can speak for all of us when i saw that we have twenty dollars each

smartass: Okay, so seeing as six people have confirmed they'll go, that means you have a total of $120. If Spot tags along, that's $140. That won't be enough for you to be able to what you want to do.

smartass: However, if you go home and get the rest of your money, I assume that would be about $40 total for each of you. That means you'd have $240 left to spend, if everyone decides to pitch in. That also wouldn't be enough. If everyone wants something at Walmart, we'll put each item at roughly $10. That means you spend $60. Depending if you get money from home, that'd leave you with either $60 or $180 left.

smartass: If you spend the same amount of money at the mall, you'd be left with either $0 or $120. Then, you'd also have to think about getting food. That would completely wreck your entire life savings because of how many people are going, and you'd have no money left.

smartass: However, I have a job. I know none of you have one.

smartass: So, seeing as I don't want all of you to have $0 in your bank account, I'm coming with you.

sniper: my brain hurts

red: aight sure

santa gay: daveys skipping school omg

smartass: I'm not excited for it.

spot: this is insulting

sarah: i forgot you woke up

spot: shut the fuck up

spot: also i work at the movie theater so

spot: i have money, even if it is scarce

elmer: no more talk about money it makes me feel bad

red: ^^^^^^ big fucking mood

spot: i'll go if race is going

santa gay: omg u have a crush on him dont u

spot: i dont

spot: i just need to yell at him

spot: and thank him

spot: also i had spanish first period and i think i passed

spot: but im tired because of him

sarah: sounds pretty gay to me

scary one: holy shit dont skip without me please

smush: i silence my phone for one period and this is what i come back to???

skid blink: mush hotshot and i are in

sunshine: oh lord...


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> omg i cant believe it's not in text
> 
> also lowercase for aesthetic purposes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> part one

simp: okay first

simp: where do we meet

sniper: after you get ur stuff,

sniper: run to the doors where we come in

sniper: im gonna make jack and sarah drive us where we wanna go since we gotta get money from home first

simp: aight second

simp: ive never meet half of you holy shit

santa gay: see you guys at the door

holy hell, was jack excited. he was a tad bit nervous, but excited. he grabbed his backpack from his locker and snuck over to the designated door. surprisingly, he went unnoticed. he smiled to himself and walked out the door. at first, he didn't recognize the person in front of him. he'd never seen them before. they had short brown hair and chocolate eyes. they wore a grey plaid shirt with black skinny jeans. they smiled when they looked at jack.

"so, which one are you?" they asked. jack cleared his throat and smiled.

"jack, which one are you?" 

"sniper. pleasure to finally meet you." they took jack's hand in for a handshake.

"the pleasure is all mine." he smiled and took his hand back. he looked them up and down. "you look better than i expected."

"what did you expect, mr. kelly," they asked suspiciously, perking an eyebrow. jack laughed airily and looked down.

"certainly not someone as cute as you." sniper rolled their eyes and looked away.

"oh my god," said a voice from behind jack. "i cant believe this is what you guys look like. this is absolutely the opposite of what i pictured. holy fudge." the person behind jack was a redhead wearing a backwards cap. he had on a light gray muscle tee and black gym shorts. jack recognized him, but couldn't put his finger on who the boy was.

"you're one o' racer's friends, right? i know you."

"name's albert." he did a small wave. sniper and jack waved back. "i lost race in the crowd somewhere, but i think i saw him with elmer and henry."

"and me!" called another voice. four boys stepped out of the school slowly. henry, jack recognized, was carrying racetrack bridal style. elmer trailed behind them, his arm slung around the owner of the voice's shoulders. despite being seven inches taller than elmer, davey was bent down.

"oh lord, it's the troublemakers." jack looked away from them.

"don't worry, mom's here to watch us!" henry teased motioning towards davey, who sighed.

"my position as mother has been filled! i'm finally free!" katherine exclaimed, running out of the school.

"i guess that means im the cool, fun aunt." sarah stepped out of the doors behind katherine. "you must be sniper. hi, im sarah, davey's cool sister."

"she's also my girlfriend!" katherine yelled. after running out of the school, she continued to run around the parking lot. sarah rolled her eyes.

"hey guys!" called someone from the door. when jack looked over, he saw three kids. one had an eyepatch, so jack assumed that was blink. one of them had a slingshot. jack assumed that was hotshot. by process of elimination, he determined that the last kid was mush. "i hope you guys dont mind - a couple friends of ours wanted to tag along." two boys stepped out from behind them. jack recognized one of them immediatly.

"oh my god you're finch," race said before jack could get a word out. "oh my - jesus fuck you're the one crutchie keeps talking about in his sleep oh my god." finch looked down, embarrased. the other boy next to him waved awkwardly.

"'m buttons, by the way." jack nodded and waved. he pulled his phone out of his pocket.

  
santa gay: so who else is coming?????

specs: cant

specs: i stayed up all night studying and im not missing this

romeo: im not leavin without my bf <3

sunshine: im not going. 

santa gay: u sure????

sunshine: yes, why?

santa gay: theres this one kid here

santa gay: his name is uh

santa gay: racer help me out whats his name???

simp: finch i think :)

sunshine: guys please.

sunshine: just dont annoy him.

sunshine: i really like him and i dont want you ruining this for me.

santa gay: aight fine

santa gay: so i guess we wait for spot now

"goddamnit!" race huffed. "my phone died." henry rolled his eyes.

"'ey, can i put you down now?" henry asked. 

"not until someone else will carry me." henry scoffed. a sigh came from behind them.

"i guess i'll take him."

"spottie! you came for me!" race smiled and jumped out of henry's grip. spot sighed again and picked the blond. although race was much taller than spot, spot was incredibly strong.

"don't call me spottie." race rolled his eyes but nodded. sniper cleared their throat.

"so let's see..." sniper counted the people. "so there's fifteen of us. who all has a car? also mention how many seats it has. oh, i have a car with seven seats."

"i got a car with four seats," spot said.

"i've got one with four as well," sarah chimed.

"that makes fifteen!" sniper exclaimed. "so i'll take blink, mush, buttons, finch, hotshot, and henry."

"i'll take davey, race, and jack i guess." spot looked down at the pavement. race's race went the faintest shade of pink, and it seemed jack was the only one who noticed.

"i'll take katherine and everyone else," sarah said. she seemed a bit upset about not being able to go with davey, but she said nothing about it.

"aight gang, let's split up!" sniper exclaimed.

~time skip because im lazy~

"'ey, 'ow come you get to drive? it's my car!" spot exclaimed. the four had already made a stop at each of their houses to get their money, and they were headed to walmart.

"'cause i'm older." jack snickered. davey rolled his eyes and took a seat in the passenger seat. spot huffed and took a seat in the back next to racetrack.

"you fail your spanish test?" race asked the shorter. spot scoffed and rolled his eyes.

"doubt it, but i did fall asleep in the middle of math. thanks for that, douche." spot frowned and sunk into his seat. race laughed lightly. "why're you fuckin' laughing?"

"you look like a chihuahua when you're angry." this caused a burst of laughter from davey. spot gaped and furrowed his eyebrows.

"don't compare me to a fuckin' dog!" spot crossed his arms. race rolled his eyes.

"you asked me why i was laughin'!" race responded. spot looked down at the cushion of his car.

"you're a dumbass."

"a dumbass who 'elped you study! i think you owe me a 'thank you' an' an apology!" race smiled cheekily. spot huffed.

"i already thanked you, it seems you jus' weren't paying attention!" spot pinched the bridge of his nose. race rolled his eyes, and jack sighed.

"i can't take it anymore - just kiss already!" jack exclaimed. davey gasped quietly. race and spot turned beet red.

"jack, you can't just say th-"

"we were both thinkin' it!" jack replied. spot turned away from race.

"i can't with you," davey muttered. "what do you guys need from walmart?"

"oh! i want one o' those giant ass balls!" race said, smiling.

"that's what she said," jack mumbled. davey surpressed a laugh and hit him on the arm. they finally pulled into the parking lot, in between sarah and sniper's cars. jack assumed the groups were already inside.

"also, could i get some flowers please?" race begged, beginning to fidget in his seat. spot rolled his eyes.

"why do you need flowers? that's so stupid." spot scoffed. race's face fell and he looked down. "wait no i didn't mean that; i think flowers are really pretty. you get whatever makes you happy." davey sighed and exchanged an exasperated glance with jack. jack was only trying his best to keep his mouth shut.

"eh, i guess i really don't need flowers. too much work to take care of anyway," race said quietly. the four of them unbuckled their seatbelts and stepped out of the car.

"no, you get some flowers," spot said. they began making their way up to the store. "don't listen to me, i'm jus' stupid." spot rested his hand on race's tense shoulder.

"no, you're right, it's stupid; i don't know what i was i was thinkin'-"

"you're getting those flowers." davey and jack both sighed. race and spot continued ahead of them, already through the automatic doors. "i'm gettin' you those fuckin' flowers."

"they're hopeless," davey whispered to jack, who nodded in agreement.

"'ey, we're gonna go find the others. you two stay close." jack smirked and winked, causing the two boys to blush. he also recieved another hit from davey.

~to be continued because i wanted to post this today and i dont have anymore time to finish this~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uneditied - i'll fix it later


End file.
